My Last Post

Ini post terakhir saya, saya nggak bakal ng-updaate blogspot ini lagi. Saya udah punya blog baru. Tapi yang mau liat-liat boleh aja silakan.

Blog saya yang baru, klik di sini

butuh berapa ?

"butuh berapa jerigen berisi darah dari luka yang ga pernah sembuh supaya lo sadar?"

>_>

"eh bukan berarti saya cantik fisik dan kekayaan berlimpah loh! hahahahaa"

— burburu meralat ucapan di post di bawah bisi orangorang jadi gatel pengen nyerbu saya dengan meriam senda

Apakah judul yang cocok ?

waktu lagi nulis ini, hati saya perih banget.

bagai diiris-iris.

disayat-sayat.

disilet-silet.

sampai darah memancar keluar dan tiada henti.

kemudian ditaburi garam.

can you imagine how hurt it is?

diberi janji namun tak ditepati.

kadang saya seringkali merenung.

kenapa saya kerap jadi pihak yang dirugikan.

kenapa saya selalu jadi pihak yang jadi korban.

kenapa saya selalu jadi pihak dicemoohi, diinjak-injak lalu ditertawakan, ditendang lalu dihina kemudian diberi uluran tangan tapi dengan pandangan mengejek dan tak ada sepatah kata maaf pun terucap.

saya cape gini terus.

oke, saya selalu berusaha untuk tidak egois.

ada oranglain yg membutuhkan. saya bagi.

saya bagi.

saya bagi.

saya bagi.

tapi malah terkadang saya tidak dapat bagian untuk diri sendiri.

kenapa?

kenapa saya yg berniat baik, saya pula yg dijatuhkan?

kalau begini terus, saya jadi enggan berbagi.

karena apa yang saya punya tersebut

adalah sesuatu milik saya pribadi yang saya jaga dan kasihi dan saya pikir tidak akan pernah bisa saya bagi!

oke, saya sesaat merasa berada di posisi Cynthia di sinetron Cinta dan Anugerah.

perkataan di atas adalah dialog yg ia ucapkan.

ia terlahir jadi seorang sempurna, cantik fisik, kekayaan berlimpah, memiliki tunangan yg tampan namun rasa benci menguasai relung hatinya.

ia benci pada Nabila dan adik2nya karena ketika mereka datang, ia merasa bahwa mereka merebut segalagalanya dari kehidupannya.

ya, sama seperti saya.

Cynthia itu saya.

Nabila itu dia.

dan tunangannya itu dia.

yah, ngga semuanya sama persis.

tapi mirip.

oke, kembali ke sayasendiri tanpa perumpaan dengan tokoh2 sinetron itu.

saya kerap menjerit dalam hati, kenapa mereka yang udah punya semua, masih dengan tanpaperasaannya berusaha mengambil milik saya juga?

yang saya miliki saya dapatkan dengan susahpayah. dengan peluh dan airmata. hm ngga gitu juga sih hahaha

kamu mau coba rebut itu juga?

saya teh segini uda nahan diri ya.

saya tahan segenap tenaga untuk ga pasang muka sedih.

saya tahan segenap tenaga untuk ga mewek!

saya tahan segenap tenaga untuk ga teriak2 dan ngejambak rambut kamu dan ngerapel mantra supaya kamu dapet kutukan mencret tujuhbulan!

saya tahan,

dan kamu tau ga sesakit apa itu?

saya tahan juga untuk ngga bilang.

karena saya mau semuanya aman dan lancar.

well, it’s a mistake to not letting you know.

karena mau gimana juga kalo dipendem trus semuanya bisa busuk, ujung2nya hati saya yang mati.

saya ga percaya saya bisa diginiin juga.

saya ga percaya karena orang adalah sesosok yang sempurna yg saya kira untuk menyakiti semut saja ngga berani.

tapi ternyata karena justru ngga tega menyakiti binatang terlemah sekalipun, siapapun ia tanggapi dengan kebaikan yg ditebar ke semua orang.

kamu tau segimana sakitnya itu?

kalo saya membiarkan keegoisan saya berbicara, saya akan bilang semuanya. saya akan mengeluarkan ultimatum sedemikian rupa. tapi saya ngga bisa. karena saya masih menghargai hak masing-masing.

saya biarkan hati ini bagai dihantam palu godam dan runtuh. *mempergunakan majas hiperbola karena it hurts, indeed.

saya mau bertahan.

saya mau sekali bertahan.

ini cobaan, ya kan?

hidup kalau ngga rintangannya akan hambar.

begitu pula ini.

tapi rintangan bukan berarti harus dibiarkan begitu saja menggerogoti sisa kejayaan dan akhirnya menenggelamkan semua ke lautan kehampaan.

rintangan harus dibasmi!

akal sehat saya belum mau memikirkan rencana jitu untuk membereskan segalanya dengan manis.

balas dendam?

bukan ide yang bagus.

anyone has an idea?

…

…

hari ini, saya biarkan diri saya ditertawakan dan diinjak-injak. biar. lihat saja yang tertawa terakhir, dia yang menang.

chat

"And if you can’t say yes, answer anyway. Because I’d rather live with the answer than die with the question."

via : i wrote this for you
aulianurzahrah : but sometimes people hard just to say ‘no’
aozora.co.uk.am : deep deep down, way down, deep inside down you DO know the answer. you just don’t seek it out.

What Role does Music/Art Play in Our Life?

Music, eventhough it’s not more important than school subjects like Math, Science, English or else, it holds an important role to play in this life.

-

For me, the music itself has so many different meanings. Music can be a way to communicate with people. In a jam session, the players are like talking to each other through music to create a harmony, they create a “connection” with other player by sending a melody, through rhythm and lyrics, and the other player reply it with another “answer”, so together they create something to be shared with the audience, to be enjoyed.

Some people play music for their own enjoyment. Some people listen to music in the middle of their relaxation. What can set off our mind from everything tiring in our daily works, is music. Once you feel bored, tired, when you are down and oh your soul so heavy, when troubles come and your heart burdened be, you just take a deep breath and set your iPod on your favorite and relaxing song/playlist. Then in a while you’ll feel a different sensation because the music comes into your heart and your mind and your conscience and helps you release all unhappy thoughts or feelings and tiring things. (See? Music is also help me to get the precise words to be written on here! :-P)

-

Music helps people with their life, helps people to get money, helps people to reach welfare and their own excitement. Some people use music as their primary needs. Composers, as example. They NEED music. They create music, they compose melodies, they write lyrics, they build harmony, and mix them all together to a song which will be heard by people, which will be appreciated by people. And they make people happy, they make people enjoyed their music, they let people know what’s in their mind, they share with people and they paint thousands of smile on everbody’s face with music’s magic.

Not only for composers, nowadays there are so many youngsters who try to get more money by music, by being a part-time singer in a cafe, or be an additional player in a band, or even they make their own songs and sell it to the public and they get extra money from there. Now it’s not really hard to make a song. All you need is creativity, ideas and courage. No need to feel afraid and shy, eventhough your music is not as good as someone else’s music, but if you trust in yourself well maybe you’ll get luck. :-D

-

How about art? Not so much different with music, well music is art. They both work together and can be a media for us to express our feelings. A musician, they pour their thoughts, their things, their minds to their song, to their lyrics, to their improvisation. Artist, they share it all on a blank canvas. They paint, they make sculpture, they put them all in their art. Some artists are unpredictable. What made Picasso paint weird shapes, weird faces, awkward paints, something that don’t seems very good for some people. But in the different side, he’s now one of the best artist in the world. What was in Leonardo Da Vinci’s mind when he painted Monalisa? What makes Monalisa’s smile the best smile in the world? What was he thinking? What was he imagining? So many questions, so many answers, so many thoughts. Art can be so mysterious.

-

Like I said before, music has a special role to play. Music fill a special spot in human’s life, fill a different space, and has its own importance. Music can improves the way we think. Like jazz, as example. Some people say that “Jazz is hard, jazz is difficult, jazz is complicated! There’s no way for people to learn it easily!”, well I cannot say that it’s NOT true, because I play jazz, though, and the proccess is tough, long, tiring, and BORING, indeed! But when I finished learning a song, and then I play it in front of people, in a jam session with great jazz players, I felt so happy, and so proud, and so delightful.There aren’t many kids like me who want to learn jazz seriously, because it is hard, it is. It’s not as easy as listening to it. But that’s what’s interesting! How come there are so much great jazz players in the world? No, in Indonesia? And they seems very happy because they can play jazz! What’s in the long and winding road here? What’s in the proccess? What’s in the way? Jazz challenges people. Jazz needs skill, patience, motivations, wills. It’s tiring, but it builds character. You gotta be tough, firm and strong. That’s what music told us. That’s what music taught us. Taught me.

…

Music is everything to me. Music is me. Music is a part of my life that I cannot let go. Music have been saying so much precious words to me. Music is what I love. Music is what I want to live for :-)

26th June 2009,

14330082

Izzi

normal

"i’m so glad everything’s back to normal"

-me

malu kuadrat

Tadi saya ngambil rapor. Saya sedih ngeliat nilai-nilainya. Di satu pelajaran yaitu matematika kurang 0,2 lagi bisa dapet nilai 9. nilainya 8,8. Sedih ==". Padahal saya udah belajar mati-matian sampe mata merah oh so what. Dan hasilnya kenapa beginiiiii !!!
Saya masih belum puas, saya masih pingin dapet nilai lebih. Malu kuadrat -________________

scream

"i want to SCREAM OUT LOUD uaeoooooooooooooooooooooo!"

— hahaha tragis

Orang sabar ?

"Orang sabar disayang Allah, orang sabar disayang Caca"

-- ( ? )

not in the mood

hello blogspot.

hello blogspot.

kamu bulukan yah?

kamu basi.

kamu bau.

ada sesuatu yang bikin saya ilang mood buat ngisi kamu.

apaan ya?

hmm.

saya malah gatau.

liat blog, saya ngga nemu mood buat nulis.

liat blog, timur ke barat, selatan ke utara, tak juga aku temukan mood buat nulis.

liat blog, dari musim duren, sampe musim rambutan, tak juga aku dapatkan mood buat nulis. apalagi durennya.

blog aku teh kenapa ya blog ?

aku takut blog, jangan2 kemampuan nulis aku udah semu dan akan sirna.

gimana nih blog?

blog, aku cinta nulis, aku pengen nulis, aku mau jadi penulis blog.

that’s where i get my income. i need my income. aku mau sekolah di amerika ntar blog! di berklee eh berkley eh gimanasih nulisnya yang bener? pokonya sekolah musik di amerika aja. yah harus cari beasiswa kalo mu kesana blog. kalo pake uang sendiri pastilah muahal buhahahuwanget. kira2 gimana aku bisa kesana, blog? gimana, coba?

lewat nulis, blog.

kamu kira selama ini aku bisa dapet yang aku mau,segampang nyabut bulu ketek? nyabutnya juga ga gampang sih, sakit hahahahaha eh bukan berarti aku suka nyabutin loh ya, idih jijay. oh so what.

bukan blog! ngga! tapi dari nulis! dari nulis!

tentu aja bukan nulis tulisan sampah beginian. tapi berlembar-lembar kertas yang penuh dengan kata-kata yang aku rangkai sepenuh hati dan kuberi hiasan sedemikian rupa agar menarik untuk dibaca dan nyaman untuk semua orang.

blog aku kenapa? cuma bisa bilang nanti, nanti, belum, belum. bler tolong dong bangkitkan lagi semangat nulisku. mana amarah aku yang meledak-ledak waktu liat orang nyadur tulisan oranglain, kemudian aku bertekad bikin buku untuk menyadarkannya? mana? mana? mana perasaan aku yang bertekad keluarin buku sekuel untuk menggemparkan toko buku karena orang2 berduyunduyun datang utk membeli dan membacanya? mana?

bler aku sedih blog.

aku ngga produktif lagi sekarang.

aku malu, blog!

si pelopor penulis cilik sekarang malah redup cahayanya, diam saja ketika cahaya yg susah payah ia nyalakan terancam akan jadi cahaya milik oranglain.

aku GAMAU bler! gabisa! aku harus tunjukin sama mereka bler. HEI INI AKU, AKU SI PENULIS !

gimana blog?

kayanya aku harus bersemedi dulu.

karena aku marah-marah dan mengutuk benda mati dengan tulisan tak bermutu bukannya langsung menghadap MS word dan menggencarkan serangan kalimat-kalimat mutiara penuh arti cinta…

fellas please wish me luck :’)

ABC question

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to copy-paste this note, and answer all the questions. At the end, choose 15 people to be tagged - including the person who tagged you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs (+) on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, paste the questions, answer the questions, tag 15 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)


ABC About You Questions:
A - AVAILABLE: maksudnya?hmm yaya saya available zz
B - BIRTHDAY: 2 agustus
C - CRUSHING ON: r***! hahaha
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: es teh *is it important to tell?
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: person? si panda. kalo kucing person bukan?moci gue gampaaaaaang banget diajak omong huahaha
F - FAVORITE SONG: more than words, goodbye sr-71, paramore, ashely simpson
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: gummy pandaaaa haha gaada yah?yauda bears aja
H - HOMETOWN: bandungkuapakahmasihpenuhsampah?
I - IN LOVE WITH: komik dan novelnovel milik mba ajeng,abun, sama au yang udah satu lemari :)
J - JUGGLE: hmmmm gatau ah gelap
K - KILLED SOMEONE: i want to killed a**a
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: pake mobil ya. waktu kecil pernah ke bali naek mobil
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: cokelat yang nggak manis banget
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2 iloveyou sisters :-*
O - ONE WISH: pengen jago maen keyboard sama vokal
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: mama
R - REASON TO SMILE: mba ajeng sama abun
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: first love - nikka costa
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: jam 6 dooooong gue kan rajin hahahaha
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR/PATTERN: hah? bentar liat dulu ~ HAHAHA sinting
V - VEGETABLE(S): gasuka sayuraaaaan keep those things away from me pleeasee
W - WORST HABIT: doyan nyepet orang sampe dimarahin hahahahaha
X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: alhamdulillah belum pernah
Y – YOYOS ARE: mainan?
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: leo


Random Questions About You:
Spell your name without vowels: zska sy dny / zr lvrz
What color do you wear most?: biru
Least favorite color?: biru metalik, merah darah, putih
What are you listening to?: paramore - adore
Are you happy with your life right now?: completely
What is your favorite class in school?: gaada! hahahaha.
When do you start back at school/college?: --
Are you outgoing?: nggak terlalu
Favorite shoes?: sneakers ! sneakers ninja warna biru ! dan sepatu converse merah yang kerenabis
Where do you wish you were right now?: ------

THE CANS:
Can you dance?: street dance bisa. jadi sama kayak kotaro tenkawa >_>
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: kagak dan ngga tertarik untuk bisa
Can you whistle?: bisaaaaaaa walopun harus ngebasahin bibir dulu sebasahbasahnya -__-
Write with both hands?: nope, but i can write things backwards with my right hand!
Walk with your toes curled?: saaakiiiiiiitttttt nyet!

THE DO’S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: i surely do not
Do you believe in miracles?: percaya. gue hidp aja kan udah keajaibaaaaan.
Do you believe in magic?: ngga, karena pasti selalu ada trik hahaha
Love at first sight?: YES I DO
Do you believe in Satan?: setan? mereka emang adaa tapi kalo mereka ngebisikin apapun ke sayaa ya gabakal percaya
Do you know how to swim?: yes i dooooo gaya katak doang tapinya hahahaha
Do you like roller coasters?: OH YES I REALLY DO
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: yuuuuuuuccckkkk! sorry i don’t

THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: i have
Have you ever asked someone out?: i have
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: sering *hahaha najong
Have you ever been to the ocean?: pantai caritaaa
Have you ever painted your nails?: i meni centil wakakka

THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside?: dingin. bandung pagipagi emang dingin
What radio station do you listen to?: 99ers
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Atmosphere
What was the last thing you bought?: gelaaaang kembar buat sahabat
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: d’show, tapi cuma setengah jalan karena seterusnya ketiduran zz

THE WHOS:
Who was the last person you IM’d?: au ah gelap
Who was the last person you took a picture of? : GUE SENDIRI hahahaha lagi pake kebaya sih jarang2 kan
Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?: mama . soalnya udah lama ga kesini

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: pernah dan sampe bikin saya harus ganti sarungbantal
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: ohyes, nangis di pelukan ibu trus ketiduran hahahaha empuksih
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder?: yes! dan tauga, waktu hati lagi menjerit dan rasanya saaaaakiiiiitttt banget, berada di pelukan teman dan menangis di pundaknya itu nyamaaaaaann dan pewe banget huahahaha cengeng gurl
Do you cry when you get an injury?: waktu masih kecil mah iya
Do certain songs make you cry?: yes they do but only when i’m broken hearted dan lagu2 yg didengerin lagu2 melankolis semua ( dan nyindir gue :p )

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: yes
What can make you happy?: cerita cerita lucu mbak ajeng
Do you wish you were happier?: yes i really so much do
Can music make you happy?: OH YES MUSIC CAN!

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: sooooo many times.tapi ko gue ga kebal2 juga yah ckckck
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them?: belum pernah tapi sepertinya mungkin akan.

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair colour: item . pend dihighlight biru yang tua .
Current piercings?: ngga ada
Have any tattoos?: ngga ada
Eye color?: cokelat

IN A BOY/GIRL:
Favorite eye color: abu-abu, penuh keteduhan dan kalo udah diliat bisa bikin hati nyaman
Short or long hair: asal cocok we. tapi lebih suka rambu pendek
Height: tingggiiii!
Best clothing: opaque, overall, kemeja

HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: nope
Mooned someone: yang ini gangerti
Laughed so hard you cried: ngga pernah tapi kalo sampe sakitperut dan gulingguling pernah
Cried in school: sering HMMMMM aib gue kayanya dibongkar semua disini
Thrown up in a store: nowaaaaaaaay that’s too disgusting, even if i feel like i’m going to throw up, i’ll quickly run out of the store!

Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: yes hahahaha malu deh
Gone skinny dipping: au ah gelap

THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: mcdonalds
Single or Group Dates: single
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries: blueberries
Meat or Veggies: meat
TV or Movie: movie
Guitar or Drums?: drums :)
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Chinese or Mexican: japanese dong haha. eh gga ada yah. mexican aja
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: cheerios
Cake or Pie: cake
MTV or VH1: MTV

Handphone

Get your phone NOW.


What’s your ring tone?
message: message alert 4, domisoldofalaa *nadanya, hahaha*
telpon: Goodbye- Sr-71

Who’s the 1st person that comes up under M?
Mama . wakaka

Who’s the last person you called?
Abun - minta anterin ambil rapot

Who was your last missed call from?
eh! ibu - hahahahaha ibundakuh! misscall nyuruh keluar :P

Who is the first person under C?
chikita - chikita monicaa, mantan gifari kelas 7. hm yaya

Who’s your speed dial number 2?
rumahgue - nomer 1 ibu, nomer 2 rumah, nomer 3 gaganpandasyalala :-* hm sowat haha

What does 3rd text in your inbox say?
anggi pacarnya mbak ajeng - iya ayah juga saya bunda. bund bobo yu. iluimuinu. dah cntq

Who was your last received call from?
eh! ibu - biasaa hahaha

What does your 5th inbox text say?
anggi pacar mba ajeng - Ayh jg mksh y bund. Bunda udh mw jdi ce yg pling perfect buat ayh. Luv u bund. Dah yang chubby, muaach . ( HP dikuasai mbak ajeng ==" )

How many messages are currently in your inbox?
640

What is the wallpaper?
foto zero, ichii, forte, mikado, sama kotaro :D

Since buying your phone, how many messages have you sent all together?
banyaaaak banget 400an ada, eh lebay engga deng hm gatau ah

Who is the 7th message from in your inbox?
anggi pacar mbak ajeng - ok cntik, bunda lgs bobo y, jgn boong lo. ayh pgn bbo breng am bunda cz

Who’s the 1st person who comes up under B?
Bianca

How many bars of signal do you currently have?
tujuh

What network are you on?
IM3 muaaahh

Name every person you have text messages from inbox?
anggi pacar mbak ajeng, cloverandrop, linnerd, dll

What does your 20th text message in your inbox say?
anggi pacar mbak ajeng - masud ?

Who is the first person in your contacts?
Abun

Who is the last name in your contacts?
winona

What does the bottom text in your inbox say?
anggi pacar mbak ajeng nyuruh nunggu di rumah mba yosi

What is your screen saver?
foto aku, mba ajeng, ma abun

What is your battery balance?
battery full.

Who is the last person under H?
haryo - hah siapatuh? ooh temen sd haha

What is your bluetooth name?
izziizziheyya!

How many numbers are in your phone?
lots of numbers

Whats the first video on your phone of?
blum ada videoo karena blum pernah ngerekam di hape ini

Could you live without it?
NO. hiahahahaha

What is the 3rd picture on your phone?
foto mba ajeng lagi narsis abis